


we're going to be all right

by beautifullights



Series: everyone has scars [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Explicit Consent, Exploration, F/F, First Kiss, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love, M/M, Negotiations, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Relationship Negotiation, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 23:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5763604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifullights/pseuds/beautifullights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Rey,” Poe asks gently. “Do you like Jessika?”</p><p>“Of course,” Rey answers quickly. “She’s a very nice person.”</p><p>“No, he means, do you like like Jessika?” Finn asks. “As in, want to kiss, and, you know, be together.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes flit between the two of them. There’s a wary tension in her posture now that Poe isn’t used to seeing, hasn’t seen since he first met her beside Finn’s unconscious body in the medbay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're going to be all right

**Author's Note:**

> ***Mention of past rape TW***
> 
> Welcome, friends! This will make a bit more sense if you read [rebuild, recover, reignite](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5763436/chapters/13280182) first, but do as ye please.

Poe corners Jessika in the hangar’s storage closet the next morning, looms over as best he can. Looming is usually difficult with a compact pilot’s body like his, but it works just fine over her short frame. “I will personally assign you to scrub-up for the next four _months_ ,” he hisses, “if you even breathe so much as a _letter_ of this to anyone else on this base, human or non, droids, machines, _anything_ , do you read me?”

Jessika blinks, grin twitching on her lips. “Copy, Black Leader.”

He swats at her. She ducks out of his reach. “So? The secret?’”

Poe growls, scrubs at the morning’s dust already ingrained into his forehead. “I tried it, ok?”

Jessika’s eyes light up. “And?”

“And I think it might work.”

Jessika hoots gleefully before catching herself and slapping a hand over her lips. “I told you so,” she mumbles between her fingers, grinning.

Intoxicated with hope, Poe can’t help but grin back at her. “Fine. You told me so. But you heard me. And you know I keep my promises.”

Jessika salutes and stands at attention, one hand still pressing her mouth tightly shut. “Laserbrain,” Poe mutters, jabbing her in the ribs on his way out the door.

“That’s ‘brilliant genius laserbrain’ to you, Dameron.”

“I keep my promises,” Poe sings back. He selects a new power coupling from the box of spares, shoots Pava one last menacing grin, and leaves the storage closet just as Snap enters.

“What’s with Poe?” he hears Snap whisper to Jessika.

“Had a really great fuck last night,” Jessika whispers back, far louder than necessary. Poe whistles a children’s scrub-up song as he walks away, also louder than necessary.

  


By the time Rey and Luke return to the base, empty-handed but safe, Poe has managed to sit for an entire half hour with both cuffs on his wrists, anchored to the chair. It’s been a rough two weeks, but he’s drunk on regained confidence. When he catches Finn’s eyes in unguarded moments, he’s thrown sometimes by the fervent relief in his lover’s eyes. Someday, he thinks to himself, someday he will manage to sleep through an entire night again.

Upon disembarking the Falcon, Rey gives Leia, Finn, and Poe quick hugs. She pauses for a moment after Poe, looks him up and down, quirks an eyebrow. He shrugs and grins at her, unable to keep his face straight for long. He’ll wait to tell her later.

After the debriefing, the welcome-home dinner, and the welcome-home drinking, the three finally have a chance to slip away back to Finn and Poe’s bunk. “Poe, what on earth is going on with you?” is the first question out of Rey’s lips. “I— ” She stops.

“You felt a difference.” Poe holds himself carefully still, counts his breath in and out, nods at her. “It’s ok. Honesty, please.”

Rey smiles ruefully. “I felt a difference. I can also see it, if that’s any better. You’re smiling, confident— I have to say I haven’t met this Poe personally, yet, but from what your squadron says, this is more like the normal you, isn’t it?”

“Maybe not completely back to normal,” Poe allows. “But better, yeah. A lot better. I’ve been practicing getting used to handcuffs, so I don’t completely panic in the restraints the next time I’m a guest of the First Order. It was Pava’s idea, actually,” he adds as an aside, testing.

“Jessika?” Rey smiles, eyes bright. “I’ll have to thank her for suggesting it. It had occurred to me, as long as we’re being honest, but I wasn’t sure how the idea would go over, and I thought, you know, better to do this one thing at a time.” She laughs. “I should have guessed she’d throw her hand into things. She’s got guts, that’s for sure. I’m glad she had the courage to suggest it to you.”

Poe and Finn lock eyes, desperately try to keep a straight face, fail completely, break down into laughter. Rey jumps in her seat, startled. “What? What happened to you two?”

Poe tries to reassemble his face into seriousness, loses it, breaks down laughing again. Finn presses a hand over his eyes, tries to catch his breath, hears Poe laughing, collapses again in a fit of hilarity. “Poe. Finn. Out with it.” Rey looks back and forth between the two of them, face flickering between reflected hilarity and nervousness. Seeing this, Poe sobers quickly. He straightens in his seat and smiles reassuringly at her. “We’re not laughing at you, I swear.”

“Yes, we are,” gasps Finn, holding himself together. “Honesty, Poe, right?”

Poe shrugs sheepishly, lips twitching into a smile. “It’s just— I’m pretty sure that’s the longest speech you’ve ever given. I thought your head only worked one sentence at a time, and that’s why you were so quiet. But we seem to have found an exception to the rule.”

“What do you mean, an exception?” The tips of Rey’s ears are bright red.

“Come on.” Finn stares her down, lips twitching. “It’s not the first time you’ve done that.”

“Rey,” Poe asks gently, seeing her continued agitation. “Do you like Jessika?”

“Of course,” Rey answers quickly. “She’s a very nice person.”

“No, he means, do you _like_ like Jessika?” Finn asks. “As in, want to kiss, and, you know, be together.”

Rey’s eyes flit between the two of them. There’s a wary tension in her posture now that Poe isn’t used to seeing, hasn’t seen since he first met her beside Finn’s unconscious body in the medbay.

“Rey, it’s ok,” he says. “I’m sorry. We really didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just— surprising to me, I guess. It seems like you really like her, and she definitely likes you, but you haven’t gone after her at all. But that’s ok. Maybe Finn and I read you wrong.”

Rey is quiet for a long time. Finally she answers, voice low. “I do like her. A lot. I really like her. I just don’t—don’t want to—to be with someone. Like that. I’ve never liked it.”

Finn’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. “You’ve— you’ve had sex, before? I didn’t think—”

“Of course I have,” Rey snaps. “Six times. Two men, a woman, an Abednedo, a Teedo, and a Melitto. That’s why I practiced sparring. Hasn’t happened for six years or so now, ever since I got good enough with my staff.”

There is a momentary silence as the two try to process this non sequitor. When the wires suddenly connect in Poe’s head, he puts a hand on his gut, feeling like he’s been punched.

“Rey.” He leans forward gently, hands clenched into fists. He’s not sure whether it’s to keep himself from hugging her or punching something. “Can you—can you describe what you mean by ‘done it?’”

Rey hesitates a moment, and he scrambles to take the words back. “You don’t have to, I’m sorry, forget it—”

“No, it’s just, you know, they took off my clothes, put their things into me, sometimes did some other stuff. I just— didn’t like it, that’s all.”

Poe pulls in a deep, deliberate breath until he can speak again. “Did you want to do it with them in the first place?” he asks, hoarse.

Rey stares at her hands. “No,” she whispers at last.

Poe puts his face in his hands, tries to breathe through the burning lump in his throat. He is crying, suddenly, he can’t help it, the thought of Rey being—and six years ago, she was barely out of childhood—and not even understanding–and oh, _hurting_ , inside and out–and afterwards, a lifetime of fearful solitude— “Poe, what’s wrong?” Finn scoots closer, puts a warm hand on Poe’s shoulder.

“Poe?” Rey asks hesitantly, apologetically. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I don’t know—”

Poe clears his throat, drags air into his lungs, forcibly pulls himself together. “No, no, Rey, it’s not you, it’s those—those banthafucking, mudcrutched, sithspitting, _shab_ —” He looks up at Rey, stricken. “I’m so sorry, Rey. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s not sex. That’s called _rape_. Forcing a person to have sex against their will. You didn’t want it, _and_ you were young? That makes it a crime, twice over, in the New Republic’s legal codes and on almost every known planet.” Poe scrubs his hands violently through his hair.

Rey’s eyes are on his face with the same tracking, feral look he’s used to seeing in her. It’s only now that he recognizes the look as that of prey, not predator. “But you and Finn—”

“Because we _want_ to. I asked Finn, at every point, to make sure that it was something he wanted to do—”

“Oh!” Finn exclaims, struck by a sudden realization. “ _Oh_.” His eyes are suddenly wide, locked with Poe’s. “I never really wondered why you kept asking me all the time, but _that’s_ why. You wanted— you wanted to make sure that you weren’t—raping—me. ”

Poe is in over his head, for a moment, sitting in a room with a person who never knew sex could be a bad thing and a person who never knew sex could be a good thing. He grips the arms of his chair and plunges back in. “Yeah, Finn. Yeah. That’s why.”

“You weren’t. Just in case you were still wondering. I wanted it.” Finn grins at Poe. “For sure. I wanted it very much. Still do.”

“And so do I.” Poe grins back at his lover, then turns to Rey. “So, because I asked him, and because we both want it, sex feels good for us.”

“Yup.” Finn’s still grinning like a maniac. “Yup, it does.”

Poe bites his lip, briefly distracted by a rush of blood from his head. He shakes his head to clear it and faces Rey, serious again. “Rey. What happened to you— it’s a horrible cruelty. It’s not what happens between people who care for each other. No one will do that to you here. And if someone does, or tries to, you can tell someone, me or Poe or Luke or Leia or whoever, 3PO, anyone you trust, and the person will be kicked out of the Resistance forces faster than hyperspace. We take it seriously here.”

Rey runs a finger along the hilt of her lightsaber, up and down and back again, thinking. Poe slides a hand out to grip Finn’s tightly, trying not to cry, trying not to think about a young Rey shoved on her back amid the sand dunes, alone, friendless— Finn rubs his thumb across the back of Poe’s hand in a familiar gesture of comfort. Poe’s eyes flick towards his lover’s face, find an equally stricken expression reflected there.

Finn can see how much this means to Poe, how much it hurts him to think of this happening to Rey. It is clear to him that rape is as abhorrent to people outside of the First Order as reconditioning, termination, numbers instead of names. Finn remembers suddenly his discomfort with the idea of being naked before Poe, of touching Poe’s naked body, of Poe touching his. He imagines a world in which Poe had stripped him down the first day, held him down— “Rey,” Finn says. His voice cracks. “Have you talked to a psytech about this?”

She looks up at him, startled. “No. I didn’t—I didn’t know it was a thing. I just thought—I mean, everyone seems to like it. Touching, and being touched, and sex. I don’t.”

“That’s ok, Rey,” Poe’s voice is gentle, quiet. “Not everyone does. It’s ok to not like touching, or being touched, or sex. Like I said, no one will _ever_ give you problems about that here, and if they do, they’ll face the consequences. It will _always_ be your choice. Whether you want to try anything at all, what and how and when if you do want to try it, and who you do anything with.”

Rey grips the hilt of her lightsaber, stares at the floor, thinks for a while.

“You don’t have to decide anything tonight, Rey,” Poe murmurs. “You can think about it, talk to other people about it—maybe a psytech, like Finn said. Or Luke. Leia. It’s entirely up to you. Ok?”

Rey is not one to think things over out loud, like Finn. Poe has noticed a few key similarities between the line between her brows and the processing bar on old droids. He waits.  At last her brow  smoothes and her eyes flick up to Poe’s, thoughtful. “How long did you last?” she asks.

Poe’s pretty sure his face is bright red. “I— what?”

“With the handcuffs,” Rey explains impatiently. “You said you’d been practicing with them. How long did you last?”

“Oh.” Poe relaxes, avoiding Finn’s eyes. He still can’t help but hear the tiny fizzing noises escaping from Finn’s mouth. “Um— about half an hour, last night. With both cuffs. That’s the longest I’ve managed to hold out so far before panicking.”

Rey presses her lips together into what Poe thinks of as her waiting-for-Finn-to-wake-up-or-maybe-die face. “I do want to,” she whispers at last. “If you can brave the handcuffs, I think I can try touching someone. I mean, I’ve never wanted to before, but now, with Jessika, I think I do. But—” She ducks her chin to her chest, embarrassed. “But I don’t know how. Or if I can. If I’ll freak out. If I’ll hate it. If she’ll think I’m weird. I mean, I’ve heard her stories, and the other pilots’. She clearly likes touching, and sex. I don’t know yet if I do. What if she—”

Poe bares his teeth menacingly. “If she says one mean word or puts one finger out of line, I will personally beat the mynock shit out of her. That’s a promise. I’ve been aching to throw Pava a punch or two. She’s been insufferably cocky ever since the handcuffs.”

“And Rey,” Finn adds, “if anything happens, no matter where you are, you can call for me. With the Force, I mean. I will come get you out of there.”

“Me too.” Poe grips the arms of his chair tightly and says the words before he loses his nerve. “I mean it, Rey. Call for me.”

Rey’s eyes are wide as saucers. So are Finn’s. He frowns at Poe. “Are you sure you—”

“Yes.” Poe holds Rey’s eyes, serious. “I mean it. Any time. Don’t hesitate.”

Rey covers her face with her hands. “I don’t deserve you two.”

“That’s the first stupid thing you’ve said tonight,” Finn says. “I thought we trained you not to think things like that anymore.”

Rey laughs despite herself, young and bright for a moment. “I mean it, though,” she says, serious again. She looks at the two of them. “I—” She stops, starts again. “Thank you. For—for caring about me. For giving me too much to think about. For _everything_.” She shakes her head. “Things were a whole lot simpler on Jakku.”

Finn smiles at her. “With the First Order, too. But a whole lot less fun.”

Rey stares at him intently. “You like it. Sex, I mean.”

Finn nods vigorously. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yup. Mmm-hmm. Yup.”

Rey’s lips twitch. “You think I might also.”

“Who knows?” Finn shrugs. “But if you want to, I think it might be worth a try. With someone you care about, someone you want to touch. Someone who wants to go at your own pace, because they care about you and they want to make you feel good.” His hand tightens on Poe’s; Poe squeezes back.

Rey stares at her feet for a long time. She shakes her head slowly. Finn’s gut twinges at the sight of her sitting there, small and disoriented, an entirely different figure from the capable, confident Rey he’s used to. “I just don’t even know where to start,” Rey whispers at last. “I mean— how do you tell someone you might like them? How do you start touching them? How do you tell them not to touch, or when and where it’s ok to touch, and what to do if those whens and wheres change, and what if she doesn’t really like me after all, and what if I hurt her— I couldn’t bear that, I— I just don’t know. I’ve never done this before. I don’t want to lose her.”

“Rey.” Finn leans forward. “You escaped Kylo Ren using a power you’d never even known you had until that morning. You saved my life by using a weapon you’d never even held before that moment. And you think you can’t learn how to be with people?” A smile threatens to break through his serious demeanor. “I think that might be the second stupid thing you’ve said tonight.”

Poe whacks the back of Finn’s head. “Not helpful, Finn,” he growls. “You’ve got a point. But it’s also ok to be scared of this. Rey.” He holds her eyes. “I think what Finn means is, you can do this. It might–it probably will–be difficult, but you can do this.”

Rey looks back at him, at Finn. After a long moment she nods to herself, sits up straighter. “I can do this. I can do this.” She pauses, then breaks out—”But I have no idea how! Will you—”

“Teach you?” Poe glances sideways at Finn, grins. “Yeah, I think we can try to do that.”

“Ok,” Rey nods. “Ok. Tomorrow. We’ll start tomorrow. In the clearing. Right?”

“Right,” Poe nods.

“Absolutely.” Finn salutes her. “But first you need a good night’s sleep.”

Rey laughs shortly, eyes flat. “Not likely.”

“I’ve still got a couple of sleeping pills,” Finn offers. “Do you want—”

“No.” Rey cuts him off. “I’ll be fine.” She stands, ready to leave for her room. There is something simultaneously brittle and powerful in her posture. Finn is reminded suddenly of the feeling of a lightsaber in his hands, translucent yet deadly, overwhelming heat condensed into one narrow laser.

Finn can’t bear the sight of her standing there, alone, contained, separate. “Is it all right if I give you a hug?” he asks.

Rey laughs again, softly. This time her eyes crinkle to match it. “Yeah. That would be ok. Thanks for asking.” Finn rises, gently approaches, envelops her in his solid grasp. Rey leans her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes. She thinks about the difference a question can make, and about the intense love bundled up inside that question. How a series of questions connected Finn and Poe so tightly that when Finn grins at Poe in a particular way, Poe loses his train of thought for a moment. How the absence of questions years ago is hurting her friends now, has maybe hurt her in ways she does not really understand.

When Finn lets go, she turns to Poe, a smile tugging at her lips. She holds her arms out to him, knowing he’s too careful of her to risk asking. Poe laughs gratefully and leans in to hug her, wishing that the warmth of his arms could burn away her pain. Love doesn’t work that way. He knows it doesn’t. But he can wish it for her anyway. And when she steps back, her body is more settled, more relaxed— so maybe it does help, just a little.

Rey nods to the two of them. “Good night,” she whispers. “Thank you.” Something begins to burn brightly, wildly, in her eyes; she steps back towards the door, lips trembling.

“Rey—” Finn reaches towards her.

She shakes her head. “Thank you,” she says again, voice unsteady, and she slips out of their room.

Poe sinks heavily into his chair. Finn falls into the seat beside him, reaches again for his hand. Poe grips it tightly.

“I had no idea,” Poe whispers at last. “No idea.”

“Neither did I,” Finn says, voice shaking. Poe grabs him into a fierce hug, buries his head against Finn’s chest, loses it entirely. Finn leans his head on Poe’s shoulder, squeezes his eyes tight, feels for the first time in his life a strong urge to kill. Were they in the village on Jakku, the perpetrators? Were they still walking around those miserable dunes, raping over and over—Finn is shaking.

“Finn.” Poe pulls back, frames his lover’s face in his hands. “Oh, Finn.” Poe wraps Finn tightly in his arms again, wishes for the second time that night that a hug could ease pain, burn away the horror in Finn’s eyes.

“It’s always going to hurt, isn’t it?” Finn murmurs. “Thinking of her there, alone, scared—”

“Yeah.” Poe clears his throat roughly. “Yeah. It might always hurt.”

Like a pebble sinking to the bottom of the lake, a thought slowly clears in Finn’s mind. “This is what it feels like for you, isn’t it?” he murmurs. “When you think of me growing up in the First Order.” He grunts as Poe’s arms tighten instinctively around him.

“Yeah.” Poe nods against Finn’s chest.

 _And this is what it feels like to think of you trapped before Kylo Ren_ , Finn thinks, but he keeps that one quiet. There has already been more than enough pain tonight. “When the war is over,” he says instead. “When we’re safe, all of us. We’re going to—to—”

“To sit by the lake.” Poe’s tired voice vibrates through Finn’s ribs. “Look up at the trees. Go flying, just for the feel of it, no bombers on our tail.”

“Yeah,” Finn nods. “Yeah. That’s what we’re going to do. And Rey’s going to laugh at you when you try a stupid aerial and almost lose your ship. And I’m going to learn about all the things you keep saying I need to learn someday, like cooking and dancing and climbing trees. And none of this will hurt anymore. We’ll all be ok, and together, and happy. Right?”

“Yeah,” whispers Poe, throat tight. “We’ll be all right. All of us. We’ll be all right.”

**Author's Note:**

> Um...yeah. So this was one hell of a hard chapter to write. Fluff and happy endings are on their way, I promise. But hey, there's a reason this series is called [everyone has scars](http://archiveofourown.org/series/388042).
> 
> Comments and concrits please! Thanks for all your kind notes on my last works. Love you guys. 
> 
> And by all means, check out the rest of the series!


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